Girl Cries

I dont know about you ,
I'm kinda sensitive to cries...
especially girl cries.

This week have been a very moody week for many of my friends including myself.
exam week does not feel like exam week but more to like a emotional week

relationships broken.
relationships renewed.
but things are not the same anymore.

today, she called.
I was reluctant at first to pick up..but i did it anyway
thinking tat she took the effort to call
So if not answering would be rude and bad.
anyway...I did told her tat I wanted to talk to her.

the conversation started awkward,
fixing a lock and remembering me>....
OMG...seriously?

but then it went pretty normal...
but at one point...We got back to the story
I know I was wrong...and I said sorry again.

she's fine there, making new friend already
having to start her class next week...I js have tons of advice to tell her...
but I didnt want to go lengthy
wanted to know about her more.

then she suddenly went into tears. D:
I panicked. I always fear cries...
it brings back old nighmares
it brings back pain in the scars i have

I tried to comfort her but i really dont know how to.
so i js decided to js wait and listen to her cries.
so painful.

after we hang off,
I begin to get emotional myself.
thinking back the times of sadness.
every moment tat my i shed tears..
even rmbering my grandmother. :'(

even recently my friend is having her problem of relationships of her own.
and she cried telling me everything..
I did listen...but then it became something that I dont really want to bring up again.
but  still did lend a hearing ear.

2 hours passed, and I'm still thinking about it...
really affects me...
I js cant stand girls cries.
I really want to call her back...but i am really afraid..
I dont know wat to say..Dont know wat to do..
i am scare it will hurt her more.
Howwwwwww?

i send her some messages and there was no reply.
this is worrying me...
i dont feel man enuf to handle this problems
i seriously dont and cant.

so to my dear friend.
I hope i will nvr do anything tat can make you cry.
i really dont like to see pple cry.
I feel bad..I feel terrible.

Pls teach me how to overcome this.
teach me how to comfort someone tat starts crying
teach me not to cry myself.

Best Friends to Rivals

Been doing a lot of reading lately...
I got to admit...my childhood defect is killing me this pass few days...
its a gain..and also a disadvantage...
I nvr really talk about it...
and i dont feel like it now...

I was searching for stuff to do online until
i saw these few blogs...
it strikes me...

2 girls...formally good friends...
are now rivals...
I dont want to go into much detail because i myself dont really know the inner part of the story between them both and dont want to hurt any feeling but
i had to write this because it reminds me of my past experiences...

I always cherish friendships
To be honest, i nvr had any enemies in life..nor lost any friendship...
most js die down because i lost contact with them....
but nvr did i lose a friend

till recently, one of my good friend left me
reading those blogs really hurts my heart.
i'm not really that sensitive but this really pierce me...
the saying goes...
When u dislike someone....everyone around him/her
is your enemy too..
Yes..its very true...

I lost a good friend not long b4 my exams started..
it was a great lost...
Is so hard to forgive myself for wat i did...
I was so sorry for her and myself..
I nvr wanted it to happen like this
but it came to past...
A lost friend...
my 1st lost friend...
thinking about it as i write is really saddening...
I dont know how to re approach her again...
I dont know wat to say...
what she will say back to me?
so many questions in my head...

It came to the point that i decided to think again like i did 10 years ago
the crucial point in life where your age increases...
28 Oct will be my next bench mark..
and i got a lot of things to figure out
so much things that actually causes me to be stress out and lead me into depression.

Life is js a way...a road...a path to take where tons of other pple are on the same path.
so complicated...so cruel..so selfish...
all fighting to survive...
I dont get Life sometimes...
Y God ceated us.
Y are we here...wats our purpose?

Questions...More Questions...
Who am I?

Even my spiritual faith is dropping...
I'm backsliding and i know it...
I want answers to life and i cant find them.

How did i get here...
back to friendships

It's funny how things like friendship can end so fast...
even marriage...
js 6 months?..and a divorce can happen
Is there more to life then this?

Husbands and Wifes going againsts each other?
best friends denying each other friendships?
parents not caring for their child...

all this..js makes my eye waters.
Alex...Life with God...
even my blog title means a thousand meanings..
God is so real in my Life...
I face challenges....and He helps me...

Why do i still doubt him?
What is there for me to do?
Is this all a joke?
Is this all fake?
or is this a trial like what they all says.

I really hope tat my relationship with friends...with family...with God
does not fade so easily...
I already lost my grandparents...
I lost a friend...
what more for me to lose then my own faith for years.

Help me Lord.
I need you in this time of need.

and as for my friends...
I wish they are back together
wounds should heal...
scars will remind them of what they have gone thru...and taking tat as a lesson in life.

I Pray that my Faith will be restored.
I Pray that everything is taken over by you and u control everything.
I also Pray for forgiveness....as I have sinned...and fallen short in your eyes.

I hope all is well..
Take care.

The ugly truth of life

 

It kicks me again today.
it started of last night, when i was js randomly browsing the net right after my tech com paper.
then something caught my attention...
a all you can learn about cult site.
and guess wat...
there are so many links to cults and y are they considered as cults.
so i began with those i know
looking at some..i kinda agree tat some teaches tat and does tat.
then i came across denominations.
y are there denominations?
y pple have different thinking in life?
and y is there like a few major religious group and other minors?
and the smaller minors....y are they considered as cults?
is it js because that they are less viral...less complete...younger?

From this reading and research...i found out tat the 10 commandments are taken differently at different era.
i found out tat wat and why cults are called cults and y are their teaching wrong.
i found out tat not all the denomination that i firstly tot was right was actually right.
and i found some answers to life.

so how did spain became from a muslim nation to a christian nation?
y are Catholics worshiping the pope instead of Jesus/God
y mary the virgin and sinless?
y Muhammad?
y buddha?
and y cows and elephant and snakes....

i found ans to noah ark animals that corrected my view on tat story for 15 years.
i found ans to y the disciples of Jesus did not actually wrote everything they know about Jesus.
y is the bible and quran made.

all this question....answered using logical science and theories.
so came the big question...
Science vs Religion.

then i began to ponder...
y is there actually religion on earth?
Yes i believe there is this Son of God name JESUS tat came to die for my sins
Yes i believe tat he say there is a God in heaven
I also believe tat i have receive his salvation.
Thank you Jesus.
but then...
Y religion?
whats the purpose of religion back in those days?

is it some sort of group that humans go to when they have a problem?
a group to bond with to help strengthen their so called spiritual life?
a group named to attack and defend against other groups of similar standards?
Y the war between Muslims and Jews?
y is there a religious war?
aren't all religion suppose to be Good?
some say...its js some extremist...
other says is those that are not in religion using the name of religion.

Ok fine...
so...Y religion?
y not js faith?
y must there be so many religion having diff teachings?
y are humans constantly finding answers to religion?
y are some not believing in any?

ans is simple.
humans have a tendency to seek help in times of need...
when they are sick...
when old...
when poor
when in trouble...
when there is no one for them to look up to...

there is tat group called religion.
which accepts them for who they are...and what they do... no matter what it is...
ok...so there is this group...there is this teaching...
and there is God...there this awesome son of God, Jesus.

and yet y no 1 wants to believe in the same thing?
because...everyone wants to adept...
they want to survive...
they want to be with the majority...
they dont want to be alone.

looking back at how the earth have evolve...
humans adept themselves to the condition of the surroundings..
thats y humans are the most on earth now..
and smartest to adept...|
we are more superior then other animals....

that wat brought us here...
i do not disagree that there is such thing as evolution
yes there is...and without it...everyone would be the same..and die long ago...
evolution helps us adept to the new world...where there's danger...climate...problems...

the number of pple increases as the way to adept is shared among everyone...
then came the system that whoever is stronger is at the top..and
weaker at the bottom...
This is taken cared of with money...
money controls Power...and power controls life now...
everyday...new life is being born...
new babies , new species...new immunity...

thats how the world is...
everyone trying to adept in life...being stronger...being better...
competition....
and when someone takes the shortcut in life..its called CRIME..cos its unfair...
the smartest excels over the foolish....
the rich over the poor...
the powerful over the week...
thats Life...

All that brings us to the next Question...
so if I say...Life is all about being to adept..and being stronger...
continuing the inheritance and species of your genes...
wats the purpose of life?

Make money and being on top others?
being powerful to survive?

WHATS THE POINT?

I'm still seeking answers like everyone else...
if there was a clear answer....i bet no one is fighting now...
no one is crazy over money and power now...

This is Life....
full of sufferings....
power thirsting...
money making...
shortcuts Crimes...
assholes and idiots...
foolish and stupid...

You just got to adept...
the WEEK Dies and STRONG Lives...
we are all equal is....a lie.