Best Friends to Rivals

Been doing a lot of reading lately...
I got to admit...my childhood defect is killing me this pass few days...
its a gain..and also a disadvantage...
I nvr really talk about it...
and i dont feel like it now...

I was searching for stuff to do online until
i saw these few blogs...
it strikes me...

2 girls...formally good friends...
are now rivals...
I dont want to go into much detail because i myself dont really know the inner part of the story between them both and dont want to hurt any feeling but
i had to write this because it reminds me of my past experiences...

I always cherish friendships
To be honest, i nvr had any enemies in life..nor lost any friendship...
most js die down because i lost contact with them....
but nvr did i lose a friend

till recently, one of my good friend left me
reading those blogs really hurts my heart.
i'm not really that sensitive but this really pierce me...
the saying goes...
When u dislike someone....everyone around him/her
is your enemy too..
Yes..its very true...

I lost a good friend not long b4 my exams started..
it was a great lost...
Is so hard to forgive myself for wat i did...
I was so sorry for her and myself..
I nvr wanted it to happen like this
but it came to past...
A lost friend...
my 1st lost friend...
thinking about it as i write is really saddening...
I dont know how to re approach her again...
I dont know wat to say...
what she will say back to me?
so many questions in my head...

It came to the point that i decided to think again like i did 10 years ago
the crucial point in life where your age increases...
28 Oct will be my next bench mark..
and i got a lot of things to figure out
so much things that actually causes me to be stress out and lead me into depression.

Life is js a way...a road...a path to take where tons of other pple are on the same path.
so complicated...so cruel..so selfish...
all fighting to survive...
I dont get Life sometimes...
Y God ceated us.
Y are we here...wats our purpose?

Questions...More Questions...
Who am I?

Even my spiritual faith is dropping...
I'm backsliding and i know it...
I want answers to life and i cant find them.

How did i get here...
back to friendships

It's funny how things like friendship can end so fast...
even marriage...
js 6 months?..and a divorce can happen
Is there more to life then this?

Husbands and Wifes going againsts each other?
best friends denying each other friendships?
parents not caring for their child...

all this..js makes my eye waters.
Alex...Life with God...
even my blog title means a thousand meanings..
God is so real in my Life...
I face challenges....and He helps me...

Why do i still doubt him?
What is there for me to do?
Is this all a joke?
Is this all fake?
or is this a trial like what they all says.

I really hope tat my relationship with friends...with family...with God
does not fade so easily...
I already lost my grandparents...
I lost a friend...
what more for me to lose then my own faith for years.

Help me Lord.
I need you in this time of need.

and as for my friends...
I wish they are back together
wounds should heal...
scars will remind them of what they have gone thru...and taking tat as a lesson in life.

I Pray that my Faith will be restored.
I Pray that everything is taken over by you and u control everything.
I also Pray for forgiveness....as I have sinned...and fallen short in your eyes.

I hope all is well..
Take care.